Crumb! nice. to all exquisite pianists: please put on reportoire!

I really want to go to a concert and hear a striking live performance of GEORG CRUMBs MAKROKOSMOS.  In an huge auditorium, with just the grand piano, the passionable performer and so on perfectness in musical performance.

If you know of any such performance, pleace notify me, it would be much appreciated.

EVEN! I would like an 3 day long festival with a thorough and inspiring in-depth exploration of the Crumbian univers.  Nothing Artsy - Fartsy, just plain SKILLS!  would love that.   Preferably in Europe some where.  If someone else wants this too, maybe we should arrange it!  contact me....

scared of language.

Language is one of our very most strongest assets.  It is wonderful, it entails potential power and consolation, and something more.  It creates society, it defines us.

IT DEFINES US!

I'm scared to be revealed.  I don't want to be busted by my language.  I'm not in control of my language and the multitude of meanings i express in every situation.

I'm scared.  I'm definitively gutless.  But the huge respect to the languages possibilities makes me  wanting to scarcely use this language. (any language, also the written language. This is why i mostly write bullshit).  This is why language is intimidating to me, i can never control my sayings and i can possibly end up embarassing myself bigtime.

DUDE- Why u so self counciouss?  thats a waste of time.

hm.

I want to know how it is done, or how i can, if possible, ignore the wanting to do it.


Do what?  


Silly you, ... , This is applicable on ALL levels.

I want to understand everything. So far I've only already understood that there will, under no circumstances be enough time to do just that.

That's the first obstacle.

The first solution that springs to mind?
Become some god.

That's the second obstacle, how is it really that one does that?

well.. mhm.

I bet i'm suffering a latent depression, as today when i saw this infotainment program on cocain explaining how the chemicals in cocain makes the dopamin in your brain get stuck in a really good place for a while,  -i thought, well, that couldn't be to bad.

I'm surprised of the level of stupidity i've now entered (by sinking slowly but steadily for months) and i've decided that i must have, really must have some latent depression going on in some corner of the brain.

People, drugs are too destructive, and totally redundant.  You knew that, but everyone needs to be told once to often... 
U can also be told by the clintstone!  Watch video!

just jazzn it

just jazzin it!  loving that.  Stay in shape listen to ornette coleman!

 [including very sudden and kind of insane double bass solo]

SO IF YOU WOULD LIKE A RECOMMENDATION: HERE IT IS: wonderful dance film, pina bausch, vim wenders

OMG is it REAL!!!!!! (be wary i guess)

Are we still humans?  do we still define human beings by our abilities to perform abstract thinking?  YES WE DO, and this exact quality is the reason why the autoblog samurai program is the TOP NOTCH of human development,  IT IS SO SPECULATIVE I'm incredibly offended.  Still it's kind of legit (in an "are we still humans" context), real good speculations is also a symptom of the great human capacities.  But it backfires - some helpful automations to ease our daily lives is just killing the  essens of our soul as well as rendering us respect-less towards other people and ignorant to whatever values creates a meaningful living.  I sound insane - like some activist.  But this is real. REALLY: (lol.  i use the same strategies to make people think as others use to make them not think.  Guess i'm failing...)

The Autoblog samurai program is a program that auto generates blogs in massive numbers, where you can make your money by the blogging and advertising game - but without thinking at all.   That is absolutely insane.  SOME LINE HAS BEEN CROSSED HERE! (and the ones who did that also crossed me...)  That has got to be a crime towards human integrity.

Yes i would like easy money.  
But not if creating easy money will degenerate me as a human being.

I DO NOT WANT TO READ ANYTHING AUTO GENERATED ABOUT ANYTHING!  Even if it is interesting, it is a principal of how we use ourselves and our fellow human beings that is getting seriously scrued over here!

BE WARY THINGS CAN ACTUALLY GET OUT OF HAND - not by robots and such in them selves, but by giving stupid people robots to play with.  It's like giving them mean superpowers they wouldn't treat appropriately.  It's possible to write in a foreign language you don't know, in a foreign culture you don't know the praxis of.

People, let's still be humans.  Damned, it might already be to late.  I want 7 billion blogs out there, each and everyone handmade, to prove something unprovable.  
OH. sodd it people.  LETS QUIT THE INTERNET: YES IT'S FABULOUS BUT WE GET STuPIDIFIED SO EASILY BY USING IT FOR EVERY PURPOSE.

(ok.  I know you don't want to.  me neither.  so lets degenerate together.... dubah dubah, leeeeets degenerate eeeeh, together, yeah, you heard me, hit it now:  Bom-cha bom, bom (and so on...)

the discrepancy...

If you can understand the title of this blog (latency delay), you might be intrigued as this might be an interesting blog.  Then you have a look around, and find nothing vastly more interesting than anything you could have thought of yourself in one of those passed out from alterior substances not actually being able to think a single thought at all - situations.  That's how enormously humongous the discrepancy is between the pretensions of this blog and the actual blog, equally gigantic as my own inner outer discrepancy, between who i believe i can be entitled (Beethoven) and who i am (an working ant).

If you can't understand the title of this blog.  Well, welcome, join the club. it's exclusive, but you can always invite yourself.

The think-app

My head felt totally filled to the absolute limit with whatnots, no-good comments and things i'm not supposed to do but that i've kind of entrapped myself into doing by believing that it would make me feel better to do those things.  And i grew increasingly frustrated.  Now i've spent the wonderful weekend surfing the net, reading up, checking out and just being my true self (?)

1: I LOVE INTERNET.

2: I BELIEVE WE NEED TIME TO THINK (at least in the post post post modernistic society, nobody ever knows anything, hence the public confusion)

3:  INTERNET IS A VERY GOOD PLACE TO THINK ABOUT THINGS:  IT'S LIKE A THINK-APP.

stuff to do when broke (nonsense peptalk)

Ther's always things to do.

you can stay on internet
make things
talk to people.

That's pretty much it.  Of course it is possible to combine these things as well.  See, it's easy! Good luck!

between game and play there is always hard work!

Because i value quality and hard work i get stressed out, because i do my upmost very best without knowing weather it is good enough, or of any quality at all.

That's the hardship of being an human being i guess, we can't ever really know anything, and in the moments when we loose courage to believe there is a good future or something for us to do, we certainly get lost as there is no real facts we can hold on to - except for the one thing, that we can't ever really know anything for sure.

I saw the madam president of Liberia on television, she seems awfully clever and a very nice lady.  She said that she always tries to make people work hard to achieve stuff.  She must be right, Work hard!  Do whatever it takes, the sad fact is that the world still can go against you (at least i think the people in Liberia might know that fact) but anyhow you are better off having tried your best.

Or is the world such a corrupt cynical place that this does only apply in utopian places?  As I'm somewhere between play and game these days I find myself prone to this kind of thinking.

Sitting in a room

Thinking of the fact that i don't have anything of great importance to say.  Or something of interest to elaborate on.  Or something curious to investigate.

I'm obviously not only sitting in a room, i must also be trapped within my own ego,
and this is a pain to my self.  I would want to achieve great stuff in this life (and preferably immediately), sitting in my room being inside my own brain doesn't seem to help.

I think i am symptomatic of a lot of people, being egocentric and unable to see beyond ourselves. The question is how to skip out of this and in to an other situation with real spirit and engagement,

Or is it not really natural for a lot of us to see beyond ourselves?  is it maybe what our nature is like, to take care of our surroundings and not so much more?  Is it because i live in a chic big city that i feel the need to mark myself wherever i go?  Would i be a different person if i lived in some rural place?

how to rid me of the mean kind of trash talk?

These days i often find myself trash talking my friends.  It's mostly about how they are not morally adequate to some standards i sometimes find should apply to people (but most of the time i don't even care myself), and that some of my friends not really are having any luck in their professional lives.  I then blame themselves for being in their situation.

That is so mean!  I don't intend to be that mean.  It just get that way because i'm currently in a limbo situation on all planes, not finding my carrier, not finding love, frankly not finding any direction towards a better future.  This brings out my immensely mean sides, and i end up saying the wrong things about the most lovely people i know to people who's day only get's worse when i spread this kind of ether.  I so regret it, and am thoroughly embarrassed, as well as i'm not quite sure how to fix this, stop it and hopefully find some way to apologize and ease my conscience. 

Sleeping times - statement for the future

It's like my brain is shut of.  No activity.  Just wishful thinking.  I'm almost regretful of the work overload the previous year.  It's really boring just sitting here - even though i need to.

This note is a statement for the future, so that i can look back some other time when i've forgotten this slow time, and remember how things swing between the good and the not so good times and that there is usually an end to every story.  And a subsequently new beginning!

stuck on youtube thinking about the meaning of life

Sometimes it seems inevitable to get stuck watching you tube videos of strange music.  like this one which plays incredibly nice but strange music for organ.  Amazing.   It's by Daniel Glaus, an interesting composer and researcher.  Though what i really miss is the lamento of Kurtag, the one for the strings. (post it if you've got it and let me know!)  Amazing again.  But now i found this video who's insane but thoroughly charming and important.  This is a research project exploring the possibilities to expand the sound qualities of the traditional organ into an even wider world of sounds. People who think like that, so they are able to expand reality and add stuff that aren't already there is definitively valuable people.

What is the purpose of life beyond just making a living?  making an even better living, perhaps.  Or, is it so that the moment we've covered our basic needs we tend to go for something that creates ecstasies?  Be it sexual, foodish, knowledge, research, music, arts, physical etc?  Today I concluded that this must be something of a good way to see things.  Then I arrived at my internet and i saw this unusual video containing some long artsy/musical performance by sarah small (really she's an interesting artist, check out her artist bio video which i found genuinely interesting, all though i can say that her stills more appeal to me than the tableau vivant.)  The Introduction to her work being the 120 Model Tableau Vivant - Skylight One Hanson (see this unusual video mentioned above) actually repulsed me, i thought of it nonsense, mostly because i failed at knowing how to react to it. But i certainly reacted in plural manners.  But seeing it forced me to reconsider my todays solution  to the meaning of life.  Ecstasies is actually a very tiresome state of being, and we can't always be there. 
Also to consider is the privacy of ecstasies.  I guess the people partaking found this interesting and even possibly ecstatic in some way or another.  But i found it to private to be interested.  Also i found the use of music rather dull and not very profound, so it all became a bit of an cliché to me.  But as a ceremony for the newly-weds i believe it was a strange experience they might have enjoyed if they were people with that kind of interest.


But else but this video (the unusual one) i recommend hartfully to check out Sarah Smalls photography portifolio (and the rest of her artistry of course!
I wanted to put some photo by her in this post, but i don't dare, it feels a bit wrong.


(Apologies for the insanely long and tedious text that almost is not a text at all but still kind of promotes exciting experiences and an explorative attitude, i hope. )

if you're not a crazy artsy fartsty person:

I know you're probably frustrated.  You don't really know what to do from now on.  Things did not go as expected.  This was not the website you intended to reach.

Welcome anyway!
Although I'm thoroughly unpleased with this particular blog post, it's all wrong, the form (complaining and blaming style) the language (boring and uninteresting) and the content (almost right, but meant to catch readers - not to scare you guys away), I still post it now because i'm so incredibly lazy and uninspired, this was the best i could produce as i wrote it.

Please read some of the other posts in this blog to be entertained, or go se this page if you want to look at people or this site if you want news.  If you really are an art geek looking for new things you should check out this site unless you are an all to familiar composer you can choose this local but fun and informational site on art

Have a good surf!

what do you want?

It's all about knowing what you want.

My life and working life is just like this blog of mine, it goes in 43 different directions, and a lot of them is not of any quality.  Every once in a while i accidentally hit a nail or something, then i am a lucky blogger...

But in this multitude of expressions, how can i possibly figure out what i want?  

(i'm thinking in this direction because it seems recommended and sometimes demanded to focus your abilities and powers into one certain project.  Unless this you are definitively doomed.)

I'm not even sure it' possible for me to want something in particular.  well, apart from an insane vacation....

how about some fun

today i counted the dough.
not optimistic.

i'll rather try and have some proper fun.  have a good laugh with friends,  shouldn't cost me anything...

take care!

steam

my apologetic nature is turning on me.  I'll end up consumed in my own logic of not taking any space, not creating any waves, frankly not being in effect.

If i can't change this soon enough i'll end up dissolved like steam kind of is broken water.

pressure 2

I'm obviously in a stressed  situation.  But i'm in a really good crew, we are all under heavy pressure.  Still these people are really good at taking care of each other.  It's really nice to be included in an understanding and supporting surrounding, and i'm convinced this is one of the reasons that we actually will make it, and it will all be good in the end.

And I'm thinking, Often i'm not that good at letting people know it when they've done a good job, I more often think it than say it.  I guess i'm scared of potential awkward situations, but i should rather be scared what will happen to the people that don't get the good feedback they deserve.

I'm fortunate to be around considerate people, thats real inspiring,
the force of human nature is indeed tremendous, we really can make a difference!

pressure

sometimes, when i'm under a lot of pressure at work, it feels like i shouldn't talk to anyone.  I mostly say regrettably stupid things, offensive things or other embarrassing stuff.

Sometimes i even believe i create hostility towards myself by acting the way i do.

As not talking is impossible most of the time, i recommend myself to stay out of pressure and stress from now on.

The crazy madness is still

Be ware, fun is possible!  speculation is vividly being done between humans to recreate their tired minds.

I still struggle to understand the discrepancy of global life.  My life is privileged, many others not so much. Still i'm the one who complains.  Even when I'm really otherwise occupied, i find time to complain at least a bit.

But, even with this note in the back of my consciousness I notice that fun, mad, crazy fun is possible, and necessary to exist.

Keep creating!  Creativity is the best madness ever!

human disaster.

It is tough and heartbreaking when innocent people die and get hurt.  We don't know what to say and do anymore.  Perspective changes, little things no longer matter.  Ordinary stuff are not a priority.  Everyone is restricting themselves.  Fun is not appropriate.

An experience of this just flew by me as I am was in Oslo when the bomb exploded.  Time uncovered that the happening was part of a gigantic, gruesome, horrible terrorist attack from some megalomaniac idiot.  But it is, as gruesome as it still is, over now.  We don't expect more of this.  It is highly unlikely to happen again.  We are all relieved that the story was short.  However we are mourning the situation, it is immensely sad, a national catastrophe and a human disaster.  But we will eventually get back to normal.

I'm now thinking that this is the reality day after day for all the people who lives in war, terror and other hostile situations.  I've heard of people in Albany who can't go out because their neighbors will kill them instantly.  And the war zones, the attacks, The Israel, the Palestine, The Libya, not to forget the Somalie, the Afghan, Tsjetsjenie, Burma, South Korea and so on every place where humans commit awful crimes towards other humans.

How are these people even able to sustain life!  Amazing, truly amazing.

I hope that peace and health will come to everyone.  I hope the people in need have something beyond the need and misery in their lives.  It's hard to imagine the horrible situations so many people must endure daily.
Please don't ever be mean.   Love each other.
It is not always easy, but it is for the better.

blog analysis

I think the reason most blogs suck, is that they are some kind of monologues, mostly produced by people who's motivation is extreme joy for their life and family, extreme agony for the very same thing, extreme loneliness, or some irrational belief that the blog we write can make a crucial difference to ours or others life.   Mainly self help in some form, mixed with the slightest bit of creativity (we all feel genius when we're creative - this is perhaps the largest illusion, everyone is creative, it's an universal survival strategy, and you're not special because of your creative abilities.)(some people are skilled - that's a different story) (ps. you are special because you are who you are, and a lot of people appreciates you, so don't worry)

In reality we can better make differences if we talk to people, not just randomly complain.

Blogging is therefore to actively take an irresponsible and perhaps lazy stand to being an active member of your society.  I feel myself that i waste my energy here, i have a lot of energy that no-one receives, and that doesn't help anyone.  This will only ever be useful if blogging makes me a better writer, and i sometime in the future can find some situation to write something that makes positive impact, something with potential.  Somehow i doubt blogging is a good exercise towards anything but keeping illusions active in the daily life.
 I can of course not disregard that effect as possibly important either.

still to decide. bE kiNd!

I'm one of those people who absolutely lack determination.  I don't really know what i think is the best music, or what is the most interesting book.  Like this i end up trying everything.  What happens when you try to do things in a manner like you don't really know how you are trying and what, is that you end up with all sorts of stuff that couldn't be predicted.  Most of it is also some kind of crap, but i am surprised how often i get surprised that the stuff i randomly produce or experience is surprisingly well functioning and sometimes even interesting or fascinating.

However, those who aim for nothing probably ends up with nothing (it's a downhill experience - totally easy)

So what about the future?  can I expect some honor?  being an honorable person as i grow older and out of life?
At least i will be able to tell myself i certainly was able to keep the possibilities open in the early 2000s- even though the result was frequently in between d'al niente al niente somewhere.

Being noticed is not really that important.  Not being stressed out is.

My god i'm such a child of post-modernism,
- i'm childish
- i cherish relativity
- i move around on the surface
- i lack abilities to concentrate and work in depth with interesting issues.
- i lack ability to take my own identity seriously.
- i have plural i's (really i'm more like a cave person not noticing myself - only how the group is functioning - or like that i hope and aspire to be)

I draw from this a need to be kind.  No way in eternity will my work have any importance in year 2100. So My dedication is for the living now, and hence i'll try and be nice and make good times on earth.


Well.

what is this!

someone wise said once or twice that we shall always keep the investigating position whilst meeting new, unseen, surprising, incomprehensible or old and known stuff of any kind, the position represented by the frase:


"What is this?!"

Here is your reminder.  I find this position immensely constructive, but also rather easy to ignore during uninspired and tired times.  All the more reason to investigate stuff, as this has a tendency to inspire and awaken people.

I'm meeting now the music of Åke Parmerud.  He is a swedish electroacoustic composer and performer.  It is indeed wonderful to listen.

My piano and i

almost out of sympathy my piano is so out of tune on certain keys, when i wrongly play the classics it's like we are in agreement of our level of perfection.  The symbiosis is breathtaking.  We do our best,

Still, the neighbors are scarcely impressed.

NATURE. most inconvenient...

It is very much annoying for the misanthropic me that i can be offensively angry all the days, and then suddenly be in a good mood - ONLY because somebody flirted with me.

about the last and unnecessary thank you emails:

My experience is that i sometimes get rather insulted by receiving a thank you! (especially with the exclamation sign, but also without).  The situations this happens in, are happening in my inboxes.

It goes like this

To Me: Hi, can you please send me something that you've got and I need? regards, Ben.
From me: Sure, here it is, hope it works out all right!
To me:  Thank You!  sincerely FULL NAME (as if i didn't know or what?).

And by this i get insulted.  I experience this gesture of saying unnecessarily thanks as a power statement, a way of having the important last word, a way of proving that you are the initiator who in the end of the line makes society breathe and expand to something better.  Of course this also means that I feel it is unnecessary to thank me, because i feel the thanks are already implied in the question and our relation of mutually helping colleagues.  Even if it is a slight chance it actually is the way to go about, I'm still insanely provoked by the format featuring exclamation signs and full name (not as a signature attached to all your emails!)

I DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT!  - I'm glad to help you, frankly i'm happy to help pretty much anyone (i get a borderline sick satisfaction from helping people - it makes me feel powerful - even if i simultaneously feel used).  But I do not need me helping you exercising how to manage your social situations in email-format.

I'm obviously not exercising anything but hostility towards colleagues, I'm pretty much denying every possible positive idea connected to the last and unnecessary thank you email or text message.

submission

I am very subconscious about the content in this blog.  Frankly i feel like most of the time i'm definitively wasting the time of my readers.  I still write my shit, but i don't feel particularly good when i think of the readers.

Why is this a concern to me?  Should i even be concerned?  After all, no one is forced to read this blog?

The only really likely outcome of my delirious writing is that it will rarely be read.  Maybe one or two sentences skimming through is what most readers get out of it.  But that shouldn't be my concern should it?

I'm such a submissive character by nature and experience, I can't even help but submitting to my distant and mostly non-existing blog readers.  That's far too weird. And weak.

Well you lot, this is your window, if you'd like to control my actions in writing: you now know that this is entirely possible.

so, what's your favorite sign?

Well, i'd have to say the question mark.

This is the most amazing sign, prompting people to start thinking for themselves, and in a manner not commanding but asking!  wonderful.

I vote we shall honor this sign seriously, often in everyday life we don't really consider the question mark, as dazed and bedazzled by everyday life and too little sleep we are not in fact able to do this.

what is really important?

I was bothered by not feeling equally important, smart and influential as certain other very young people.  Jealousy hit me.

I probably need to grow as a person.

Then i saw von Triers Melancholia yesterday - SPLENDID FILM!
Luckily i remembered this now, remembering the content of this film just rendered the above noted quarrel within myself and discontent with the human behavior and my own, senseless.
There are for sure more vital things to value in life!

(or is it?  critic in side me thinks of building societies and good arenas for people, after all it is usually necessary to consider all persons involved to make the most bulletproof state of common happyness.)

Anyways, I highly reccomend melancholia (and see it in a theater!)

constructed realities and trash talk.

I've been out all day with a friend trash talking our society, our system of higher education, some prominent educators and a couple of important people as well as a little bit some friends and ex'es.

Why can't we stop talking trash?
Do we really feel that sorry for ourselves that we need to justify our presumed injustice by shitting all over the place?

Does it help?  - NO
Does it hurt? - probably not.

With this particular friend we always discuss this matters.  What kind of odd habit is this?  Is it breakable?

I don't want to feel sorry for my own life - I don't win all battles, but it still ain't half bad.  I don't think talking shitty nonsense of other people helps the least.  Why is it so hard to talk real nonsense with no root in reality whatsoever?  I'd like all conversations to be more surreal, when we talk about "real" things we really mostly seem to construct some kind of phantasy world, and we find real facts in our lives to present as good arguments that this phantasy is real.  Then we start believing it only because we want it to be true, and it's convenient as we'we not yet developed any other "realities" that can pass as such a good a truth as this one.  It'll be the truth until some other truth is constructed and renders it meaningless.

So we create the web of lies.  I'd really like to try some other web, a web of pure phantasy - to se whether or not it's any worse than the odd lies of everyday conversations.

I probably need to live more and write less....

nonsense is a premise for sense?

  I am convinced there is something to say.  How to say it is hard to find.  What the content should be is impossible to presume.

oh lucky destiny. SCORN!

just as i was seriously in danger of becoming/being an obnoxious arrogant kind of human that no one but obnoxious and arrogant people can endure, i got a serious kick-back.  My face squished in the gravel, the ants licking it as i'm dragged towards the sour. In other words NOT FUN AT ALL.  But can i use this?

I decsend the throne, what now?

I've recently discovered that i will never be king of the world anyway.  Some time ago i thought it possible, certainly in the realm of my reality - but it was there.

What i'm wondering now is how to deal with my life now as i no longer have this overall goal for all my actions?

What should i aim for? how can i stay content?  I'm a megalomaniac who's gagged himself.  BUT I NEED TO BREATHE!

lobotomy seems the obvious answer to me.  Redirect my mentality and i will find another way.

unfortunately it's illegal, and also, i don't want any lobotomies, i want to be king of the world.  Damned.  I'll stay miserable forever trying to achieve the unachievable - and i'll probably be disgustingly happy like that... 

blogworld readers - where do they come from? and why?

i was checking out the statistics over who clicks in to my blog.  It's people from germany and USA, and as my posts doesn't emerge from any of those places i started wondering why those countries?
English is a good reason for the american crowd, but the german?  why not the Belgiques? or the Romanies? or italian? or Swedes?  or - i can certainly list the whole of europe.
But WHY NONE AFRICANS OR SOUTH AMERICANS?

parkour

parkour is kick-ass!  I tried today, first time, not for real just tried looking differently on surroundings in my city,  started climbing and jumping everywhere!

Faboulus.  Why don't we move more fun in real life?  I have the impression we have to behave to keep people not being scared of you.  If you behave differently - even just by being a bit physical - people might scrutinize you for insanities.

I'm very sane.  But I seriously vote for more creative moving in real life!!! not just in videos and exercises!

fly away!

checking out blogs

Why is there so many blogs out there that wants to teach me/help me having a better life?

It seems this is what everyone feels like writing about.  My opinion is that if i want my life to be better i should become better at communication (i'm really not that great).  I think the way to do that is by practice, not necessarily by reading how other people who are different from me and never met me wants me to think.  DUDE I DON'T WANT TO BE LIKE YOUS!  I want to be happy of course, but not all the time.

i also enjoy being grumpy quite a bit.  other people likes it to, they like it when they know my life aint perfect either. 

The helpful bloggers might be ok for some people, but not really so much for me.  I guess i don't really want to read blogs, i'd probably prefer the paper or something with a bit more interesting content. Or just something with content (contrary to for instance my blog, it's more nonsense than anything, and i write it only because it's possible and free (and it would be awesome if there were someone out there who could understand my sense of humor - because the people who do are rare and hard to find) and if i'm incredibly lucky this exact nonsense will become a moneymaking machine so i can ultimately stop working, stop contributing to the society, close myself in an insane solitary situation so i instead of being the total package of a human being i could just be the brain in the tank they always talk about in epistemology class.)

How can i find the interesting blogs?  i guess there should be some at least.



The sad story is that i'm currently looking for interesting stuff everywhere and also in the blogs because there are not enough interesting stuff in my general life.  I'm not certain whether it's actually a depression in my system or if it's simply a lack of the right environment and stimulating people around.  


But even if it's the latter situation it's quite depressing so it's a kind of catch 22.

dancing around in my internet (modern dionysic living)

dancing around in my internet, i'm on a safari, splendid!

fingers flying around my laptop even faster than i can follow, 

switching eight tabs, and different work

all included a little bit of "freespace" blogging and gossiping on fb, 

my friend where is my mind, i outraced it hours ago, now i'm just flying away - further into the web.

How my fb friends kindly insults me.

ye ye,  facebook. i'm so fed up it's not even worth it. (i need facebook for several real reasons - at least i've succeeded in persuading myself that i do)
I'm reading all kinds of crap even worse than this.
But it's worse when some honest soul actually gives an interesting recommendation.   I laugh, and feel nausea in the same moment that i read it, i'm no longer able to take it as a pure-hearted well-meant idea from my perifery "friend" whom i know more through his internet behavior than how he actually is.  (i.e. internet behavior shows how you relate to yourself, real life behavior shows how you interact with other people, which is the quality we traditionally seek knowing about other people.) I take my friends recommendation as AN INSULT.  (rather on the nutty side here...)  It's insulting because i take this as my connections trying to impose on me information (even though really it's good for me, i can use it), they're trying build leverage, THEY are trying to be PERSONALLY the new NEWSPAPER, the INFORMATION CHANNEL, the GOVERNMENT- the decisive powers.  THEIRE SUBJECT IS STRIVING TO BECOME AN OBJECT, AN AUTHORITY, a rock in the society perhaps, SOMETHING I'll have to LEAN UNDER, BEND MY KNEES AND OTHER STUFF FOR:

I TELL YOU; I'm NOT DOING THAT: I CAN'T, I won't, THEY're INSANE! dude.  why is it like this. am i wrong, is it not indeed a "flipped situation" where people seemingly do nice things to enhance and glorify themselves?


maybe it's me who haven't quite adapted to the new know-how, the new language, the way of life in the twothousandsand...

Or am I right? Should i be more active blocking information?  after all it's quite addictive to know "what did he say now", i have to know everything of course.   Maybe it will destroy my soul...

Facebook is a real tool for people who knows how to manipulate other people by targeting their group behaviour tendences. If you can control your group you will very well succeed in anything - even if it's something you really are not the best at.

critics.

I'm critic to the degree of explosion.  Can't even see pretty stuff because of this.

= misantrophe?

why, you ask. Me too. Why?

why do i keep up writing this nonsense which is undoubtably a waste of time for everyone reading.
It might make me feel good or something, as i keep doing it.  Though the real issue is:  can my consciousness be clear while i willingly and knowingly try and capture more and more readers to expose myself by WASTING YOUR PRECIOUS TIME?

Go out and play!

freedom. choises. regrets.

It's absolutely confusing to switch between real and non-real internet identities in only one blink.

In my sleep depraved sense i find myself dissolving.  Plural net-identities and lack of real social life is not really helping.

omg.  i'm a nutcase... -no i'm not, i'm just not really making good choices in this world made of choices.

Would it be any better if i had less freedom?  [rhetorical - who ever is free... but we are now allowed to choose our own entrapment for better and worse.  It is now clear that it is a major drawback to choose unwisely even though nobody knows whats really wise as moral and such is no longer a common ground thought. / what i meant to say was: it's a major drawback not to be able to live the life backwards.]

new layout

i feel renewed (not)
it's more descriptive of the content (bull*)
it will free your spirit and take you for a ride you've never seen before (YEAH THAT'S FOR SURE!)

So keep readin, keep surfin, keep coming back, i'll give you more - equally luscious!

To all my solid fans:  i did this for you, let me know if your heart skipped a beat!

it's all wonderful (waltz + poetry)

when you add the rhythm of a grande waltz!

nothing can stop you then.

Add some great poetry that extracts some sense of the insane chaos the abstract world the words live in, and you might experience the feeling that everything is possible!

then it will pass and everyday misery will catch up with you.

Thanks to Ruben Östlund his film made me think of this, but also of more significant moral stuff which can help me grow as a person.

poetry.

ARE WORDS NO LONGER WORTH ANYTHING EXCEPT FOR INFORMATION?

WHY DON'T WE SWITCH TO BINARY SYSTEM OR SOMETHING?  to better depict the no good for phantasy system inherent in the modern internet communication system?


I READ PEOPLES STATEMENTS; AND, YES, THEY TYPE SMS, ITS NOT CREATIVE, IT'S LAZYNESS!  i want my thought's to be triggered when i read something.  NOT HAVE MY INDIFFERENCE BOOSTED.

(well, i'm obviously not indifferent yet.  though i might be a bit disillusioned)

my apologies

If you are some kind of a soft soul dancing around in honey, swimming in milk and sleeping in a field of flowers, i'm rather embarrassed of my outlet's of frustration and other not so positive emotional states of mind.

I'm not angry anymore.  Though i will be angry again some other day and probably let you know harder that you could imagine.  So, i recommend for you to stay away, maybe by a lamb and nurture it.

what ***# etc (stop reading here!)

I want to know what the fuck you want to know.  What would you like to read?  doesn't anybody enjoy reading?  I want to have a pictureless blog but still have readers!!! after all, even if this seems to be some melodramatic subjective site for procrastination, i still would like to have READERS§§§§

I'M DEFINITIVELY THAT CORRUPTED.  STOP READING, IF YOU'RE NOT ALREADY CORRUPT, ILL MAKE YOU (yes, that is not a real threat.  I'm far to relativistic to even make threats.)

RULES FOR ARTISTS

What are the premises of working artistically?

A.  You need to want to do it

B.  You need to have something to say

C.  If you don't have anything to say you need to explore something?

D.  You want to be famous?

E.  You don't care what anyone thinks of your work

F.  You really care about what people think of your work.

G.  You need to be interesting

H. You need to be charismatic

I.  You need to be able to relate your work to the other expressions of your time

J.  You need to have conections

K.  You need some money

L.  If you're idealistic, go work for some organisation

M.  You need to manipulate people into liking your products.

N.  You have to play your cards right.

O.  You need to set yourself above everyone else.

P.  You need to be right in every assumption

Q.  You need to use your network.  Even the internet.  but mostly the old-fashioned face to face net.  even in internet.

R.   You need to be able to define whats "in" and whats "out" (of course regarding everything but your present work - which of course always is "in"

S.  You might need to stab someone in their soul or in theire friendship.

T.  If you care about diplomacy you're a lost cause.

The framework is closing in on me.  

nina simone!

I was just introduced to nina simone.  Well, not truly introduced, i always knew who she was, but i never actually knew that she is the pianist as well.  She most definitively kicks ass. majorly.  She is a great person in art.

In youtube there are comments, as we know.  One of them said something like - I love Nina Simone, she is a true capacity and a wonderful artist.  Wonder if artist nowadays considers her level of skills?  compared to the crap we're presented with it's a huge difference.  (or something like that - this is a blog, not a thesis)
It's for sure implied that todays artists are not that good, (and most of the time they aren't that good at all - she was extraordinary)

So this thought fell into my head, watching her perform, she is splendid, but she is not the most charismatic artist in terms of being outgoing.  She's working with the audience, but in a way that it's impossible to decide weather she enjoys having the audience there or if she'd rather be by herself.

DRUMSTICK

if i was a drumstick i would beat nbeat beat hit so hard your ears would burst, its mad maddening i cant see why, nothing makes me want to do that its only ONLY if i ever was a drumstick, then i would hit something bad so the beat thundering to the end of the city could bust all static in everyones lifes, give a slice of rhythm, make som change in quality.  YOU WOULD NOTICE. definitively.

I'm not a drumstick. 

LOUD

READ LOUD


This blog should be read LOUD.  With gestures and dramatic tone.

after all the CATACLYSTICAL CAOS REGENT is a hysterical paranoid insane artist

The meaning of it all (or in at least when creating arts)

It's largely annoying (i get very frustrated whenever i can't understand something) that i've heard someone say "don't be so concerned about the meaning in the music your making".  I'm like "AS IF" I'm incredibly concerned with meaning, it's the number one criteria to know that the things i do at least make sense to someone (aka me) and that's the minimum requirement i suppose for allowing myself to do stuff in this dodgy business.

So what could they possibly mean by stating that meaning is not important?  - yes i see that sometime my insane need to know within myself that there is a meaning to it all might lead me to work fairly slowly with the possibility of never finishing, and also i see that it does not necessarily improve my rather shortcoming music.  Hence the idea of meaning could easily be a distraction in the work.

I DON'T THINK THIS IS WHAT HE MENT.  I have this feeling that what he at least wanted to mean was that the meaning will impose itself on your creations if you choose to work sufficiently abstract 


AND IT WILL BE BEAUTIFUL , wonderfully and imaginatively composed music that is capable to reach other peoples cognitive centers as EMOTOÌONS ARE SUBJECTIVE AND IMPOSSIBLE TO transpose from one being to another through new musical expressions - THOUGH THE ABSTRACT WORLD OF CONSTRUCTION LEAVES EVERYONE EXPERIENCING SOMETHING UNIQUE WITHIN THE SAME FRAMEWORK -AND THIS WAY IT ALL MAKE SENCE TO EVERYONE within hearing range.  Everyone might say i could really RELATE to this music - it made such sense to me!


THIS IS ALL NICE BUT IN REALITY WHAT OFTEN HAPPENS IS THAT ALMOST NOBODY IS SATISFIED WITH THE IGNORANT AND EXTENSIVELY
 LACKING IN MUSICAL PARAMETERS 
MUSIC MOST COMPOSERS MAKE (STUDENTS ARE THOUGH DISPENSED FROM DUTY AS THEY ARE SUPPOSE TO LEARN)


SO THE DREAM OF MEANING AS SOMETHING THAT IMPOSES ITSELF LATER ON - OR EVEN WORSE THE CONSTRUCTIONS THAT WE MAKE WILL MAKE SENSE LATER ON AS WE DEVELOP AS HUMAN BEINGS  IS AN ABSOLUTE USELESS AND SURREAL THOUGHT.


naturally i'm overly confused over this,. nobody (of the ones i've exposed this problem to) seems to  think this issues matter or that it's even possible to talk about them.  


IS IT A DEAD END IN THINKING?  Or perhaps it's dangerous to think of as it kills your creative abilities with over critical views on whatever you produce.  


BUT THE BOTTOM LINE IS ALLWAYS : SHOULDN''T WE ASPIRE TO MAKE SENSE RATHER THAN NONSENSE? OR IF IT IS NONSENCE IT SHOULD BE MEANINGFUL SUCH.


deam it.  i hear myself.  this complaint sucks a bit.