how to rid me of the mean kind of trash talk?

These days i often find myself trash talking my friends.  It's mostly about how they are not morally adequate to some standards i sometimes find should apply to people (but most of the time i don't even care myself), and that some of my friends not really are having any luck in their professional lives.  I then blame themselves for being in their situation.

That is so mean!  I don't intend to be that mean.  It just get that way because i'm currently in a limbo situation on all planes, not finding my carrier, not finding love, frankly not finding any direction towards a better future.  This brings out my immensely mean sides, and i end up saying the wrong things about the most lovely people i know to people who's day only get's worse when i spread this kind of ether.  I so regret it, and am thoroughly embarrassed, as well as i'm not quite sure how to fix this, stop it and hopefully find some way to apologize and ease my conscience. 

Sleeping times - statement for the future

It's like my brain is shut of.  No activity.  Just wishful thinking.  I'm almost regretful of the work overload the previous year.  It's really boring just sitting here - even though i need to.

This note is a statement for the future, so that i can look back some other time when i've forgotten this slow time, and remember how things swing between the good and the not so good times and that there is usually an end to every story.  And a subsequently new beginning!

stuck on youtube thinking about the meaning of life

Sometimes it seems inevitable to get stuck watching you tube videos of strange music.  like this one which plays incredibly nice but strange music for organ.  Amazing.   It's by Daniel Glaus, an interesting composer and researcher.  Though what i really miss is the lamento of Kurtag, the one for the strings. (post it if you've got it and let me know!)  Amazing again.  But now i found this video who's insane but thoroughly charming and important.  This is a research project exploring the possibilities to expand the sound qualities of the traditional organ into an even wider world of sounds. People who think like that, so they are able to expand reality and add stuff that aren't already there is definitively valuable people.

What is the purpose of life beyond just making a living?  making an even better living, perhaps.  Or, is it so that the moment we've covered our basic needs we tend to go for something that creates ecstasies?  Be it sexual, foodish, knowledge, research, music, arts, physical etc?  Today I concluded that this must be something of a good way to see things.  Then I arrived at my internet and i saw this unusual video containing some long artsy/musical performance by sarah small (really she's an interesting artist, check out her artist bio video which i found genuinely interesting, all though i can say that her stills more appeal to me than the tableau vivant.)  The Introduction to her work being the 120 Model Tableau Vivant - Skylight One Hanson (see this unusual video mentioned above) actually repulsed me, i thought of it nonsense, mostly because i failed at knowing how to react to it. But i certainly reacted in plural manners.  But seeing it forced me to reconsider my todays solution  to the meaning of life.  Ecstasies is actually a very tiresome state of being, and we can't always be there. 
Also to consider is the privacy of ecstasies.  I guess the people partaking found this interesting and even possibly ecstatic in some way or another.  But i found it to private to be interested.  Also i found the use of music rather dull and not very profound, so it all became a bit of an cliché to me.  But as a ceremony for the newly-weds i believe it was a strange experience they might have enjoyed if they were people with that kind of interest.


But else but this video (the unusual one) i recommend hartfully to check out Sarah Smalls photography portifolio (and the rest of her artistry of course!
I wanted to put some photo by her in this post, but i don't dare, it feels a bit wrong.


(Apologies for the insanely long and tedious text that almost is not a text at all but still kind of promotes exciting experiences and an explorative attitude, i hope. )

if you're not a crazy artsy fartsty person:

I know you're probably frustrated.  You don't really know what to do from now on.  Things did not go as expected.  This was not the website you intended to reach.

Welcome anyway!
Although I'm thoroughly unpleased with this particular blog post, it's all wrong, the form (complaining and blaming style) the language (boring and uninteresting) and the content (almost right, but meant to catch readers - not to scare you guys away), I still post it now because i'm so incredibly lazy and uninspired, this was the best i could produce as i wrote it.

Please read some of the other posts in this blog to be entertained, or go se this page if you want to look at people or this site if you want news.  If you really are an art geek looking for new things you should check out this site unless you are an all to familiar composer you can choose this local but fun and informational site on art

Have a good surf!

what do you want?

It's all about knowing what you want.

My life and working life is just like this blog of mine, it goes in 43 different directions, and a lot of them is not of any quality.  Every once in a while i accidentally hit a nail or something, then i am a lucky blogger...

But in this multitude of expressions, how can i possibly figure out what i want?  

(i'm thinking in this direction because it seems recommended and sometimes demanded to focus your abilities and powers into one certain project.  Unless this you are definitively doomed.)

I'm not even sure it' possible for me to want something in particular.  well, apart from an insane vacation....

how about some fun

today i counted the dough.
not optimistic.

i'll rather try and have some proper fun.  have a good laugh with friends,  shouldn't cost me anything...

take care!