to whomever with super powers

PLEASE let me wake up in the morning being an insane early morning songbird, with it's exact joie de vivre and all kinds of press play energy!

Natures course. men and women, why are we really here?

Starting out with some ideal utopia, some genuine wish to make, to create something with the aim of enjoyment for people, or as a reminder of something that seems important.

Next, struggling follow the idea because of the overload of other things needed to be done.

Then when slowly finding the balance of work and art, seeing far away some possibility to do this after all, nature gives you an extraordinary specimen of the opposite sex, which is totally distracting and totally confusing as there is no way to act upon this and still get to do everything in the overcrowded time schedule.  But still not acting on this is equally distracting, as there is only two ways to deal with intense attraction.  1. act it out.  2. wait till it passes.

Which one takes the most of you, which gives the most?
The answer is soooooo simple, one should guess, you should act it out instead of just wasting time waiting.
Can I take my own advise? or am i just a coward? or is it some kind of humane consciousness? it is not.  I just doesn't know how to move from here.

Why we are here is not the best question.  How can we make the best of being here is better.  It's also tough to answer.

work, work, troublesome work...

I am worried about being locked to so much responsibilities and duties that there will be no escape.  How can one aim for an artistic career if one doesn't have the freedom to follow the opportunities that arises along the road?

But it's better for me personally if my surroundings respect me.  IM A PROUD PERSON WHO DOES'NT CARE TO BE REGARDED A LOOSER.

IT'S NOT THE JOB I WANT.  BUT WHO IS TO CLAIME THEIR DREAM JOB.

good luck to everybody!  it's a proper puzzle making a good life, but i believe it can be done!

What is it all about?

From time to time i struggle with who i am and what my role is in the world, in my society, in my family, whats the meaning with me? is really my question.

Sometimes i try to make a "normal" life, have a relationship, aim towards making a family and a home and such.  But i don't think i try that hard, a lot of the time this is not what i want, it's just my genetic consciousness telling me to stress because i have no offspring.  In stead i like to make a difference by being me, and my art.  More so than making a difference i think i enjoy making life enjoyable, having good times with everyone.   And this is in spite of my living already a 30thy years (and the expectations i'm fronted with from family and society is that by now i should feel super stressed!!!  I have the occasional fit of stress over this, but mainly it's not an issue and not bothersome anyway - except from in social gatherings that includes people of all ages and often also children.  Hence, i deduce, the "normal" life is not something i long for, should it have been my dream i would either have done something about it earlier, or i would be obsessive over this, or non functioning because of this.

Does this make me shallow?
Does this make me an hedonist?
Does this make me egocentric?

Well no one can have it all at the same time, am i disposing my time backwards?

there are no big problems related to this issue, as i'm happy and going somewhat in a direction i like, so seriously why does it sometimes pose as the unanswerable question in my life?

KNOW YOUR ROOTS! BE PROUD!

I don't think me having plural identities, languages, behaviors, surroundings, ideals, wishes, etc is any good to me.  It was working for a while but after some years I've realized that i am rootless, nothing, and i don't have a direction.  I recommend everyone to learn who you are, and be proud of that.  Erase the potential for lying to yourself, and you'll have better chances of knowing what you want and where you're heading.

Regards, an increasingly lost soul in cyberspace.

i'm such a sorry ass, using this internet to puke out my guts.  I don't recommend being lost like this, *avoid*

I drink my apple juice with vivid intensity as if it were whisky

I'm having issues with my artistic processes.  I seem to be in the middle of a project but still not sure of what are my intentions.  And then HoW Can I gO on PREtending To maKE sometHing of ReleVANce to the rest.

Should i fuck the rest also when i don't know myself whats going on?  I mean, it's obviously all right to ignore any critics or other interventions from outside as far as i'm having a strong feeling that the stuff i do needs to be done, and that i believe in it's value and possibilities.  But when this is lacking, really we are back at technical exercises.  And Truthfully some of the technical exercises that i've done (and other artists can usually confirm this) have resulted in fairly valuable artistic entities, BUT NOT BY FAR ALL OF THEM, and EVEN, It's a major difference between by chance making art through doing technical exercises, and doing technical exercises to make art.  IT DOES NOT SEEM RIGHT TO ME TO SPEND A LOT OF TIME DOING SOMETHING IF THERE ARE NO GOOD INTENTIONS BEHIND.

Obviously i'm far to pretentious and ambitious.  Being this will probably end my artistic workings. Which is sad for me but might be good for the rest of the world, there are already way to much crap out there made by people doing this to be seen.  I don't make art to be seen, If i want to be seen and recognized i talk to people, persuade them that i'm right about something, entertain them with my share presence so i can own their laughter and their minds (i'm insane, i know, but in fact it's just honesty, i believe we all do this in some degree.  I hope I'm wrong about that...) So why do i make art?  To avoid doing boring day jobs is THE most accurate answer.  Also i've got stuff i believe in that i want to realize so it can be shared with other people, so everybody can have something in common that makes them believe that life is a lot of things but also beautiful and insane in a good way, and not understandable but comprehensible still.  IM SO SCRUED; THIS IS CRAP; TALK IS NOTHING; ACTION SPEAKS; I DON'T SEEM TO DO ANYTHING; IM STILL SCRUED.  


what should i do, how can i save myself from this agony and absolutely possibly embarrassing situation, i can't stand embarrassment!


I'll tell u one thing;  i won't be drinking.  THAT I DON'T BELIEVE IN AND I WANT EVERYONE TO STOP DOING DRUGS*  now. please. 


peace.

Boring questions of no relevance as everyone already thought of this and decided that it's just how it is and we'd better do our best to fight it or we won't get nothing done ever

How come it is so incredibly hard to do what i've decided to do?  How come i want to do all kinds of other things while i'm suppose to do something "important".

And the answer:

- it's the easy way of living?
- i dont believe i can really do what i've decided?
- doing other stuff makes my subconsciousness do the proper stuff without me noticing (hoping of this)
- I've forgotten that working isn't really that hard, and i've developed  a fear that i'll exhaust myself doing this stuff (and possibly die of it)?

So i have no answer.  only stupidity on the subject.

a dislocated reasoning describing a way of coincidences that confuses me

What's left when you've already explored your self and your own potentials, limits and abilities to the utter realm of boredom?

my advice would be to engage in other stuff than yourself.  other people exists to.  there are birds out there. sounds, tastes and everything.

my problem is that my engaging in other stuff is a part of my selfexploring and selfexpressive testing of my surroundings.

So: I can't seem to escape myself.  it seems like a mental bug, it's a way of thinking and being which i don't particularly care for but anyhow i'll keep on in the same manner since i don't know how to flip myself out of it.

Thanks to Sigurd Ros I thought of this.  Why i wonder - why?

I most SINCERELY APOLOGIZE THAT MY WRITINGS HARDLY MAKES ANY SENSE AT ALL.

peer preasure

Everybody else does that so i'm doing it too.  There's no excuse for me, i'll never do anything totally new and unseen, all my choices and doings are forever being as they are because i think it's the right feeling.  It doesn't even need to be rational.

I'm never on my own.  I'm always with you's, affected by you, listening to you, trying to be accepted by you, trying somehow to fit in.  It's bigger than politics.  All i want to do is to fit in.  (and that the mud i'm fitting into aren't too boring)

(you, you's, is in this context thought of as the ones i value as my peers, or as people more fortunate than me (in whatever way) so i'd like to become them.  it's not everybody on earth.  But i believe the consequence is that if everyone i consider more valuable disappear, i would be so keen to live on that i'd adapt to some other way of living, to help myself)

I don't care! or, ehm, i might. I doo, for sure. or? i'll have to think about it

It's not that big a problem really, that i always am having plurial views on everything, and that i change my mind all the time.

(What!: have i become a women now?)

Why isn't it?: don't know.  obviously it might be so i can't be sure of anything.

first, bed...

Why does the urge to pick up the fight and kick ass live like crazy always hit me a second before (or after) i should have gone to sleep?

The inspiration seems immense - though its useless as i'm far to tired and doesn't have the drive to start doing something crazy now and being exhausted tomorrow morning.

Shame on me for probably waking up tomorrow way late and believing firmly that i'm too tired to be able to do anything anyways.  What a waste of good inspiration!

I have to change it. make no compromises with my lazy self.  Be my own firm boss..... It's so cliché but still i need to do this.  But now, bed...

WHO ARE YOU?

if you know who you are i'd be interested in knowing.

If you don't know who you are i'm sorry to say that you are just one of the rest of us, sitting in bars being insecure and putting on a sherade trying really hard to impress others by projecting something we'd like to see in others, only because we don't really know how we would act if we were allowed to fill our own shoes for once.

we are so many.

This is a freakin Diary!

And i'm so gonna say fuck you to all the people who are now incredibly surprised to see what i spend my days doing,  WAS IT THAT HARD TO COMPREHEND?  (i make art) and i'm so gonna boost my own ego now until it explodes and falls like pieces of a bombed watermelon upon all of yous who spent your youth days with me only to build your self up by breaking me down.  HOW COME I NEVER BELIEVED I COULD DO ANYTHING, WHEN ALL I CAN IS TO DO STUFF!  (i make music)  the challenge about music and art is that there exists simultaneously totally different styles and expressions, BUT THEY ARE EQUALLY VALID.  the competition starts, its all about getting your self out there first, and more spectacularly than the others.  WELL DUDES FROM MY PAST, NOW YOUR COVERED IN sticky WATERMELON STUFF (does that really give me the upper hand?)

(in a much softer voice):
remember that we don't know what it's about.  But certainly it aint about me getting revenge over some poor innocent friends of mine from years ago, that's so definitively not what art is about.  That's what vengeance is about.  vengeance might sometimes be necessary but it's never art, even though it might be artfully done.

What's it about

eeh, the question is not whats it about, it has to be specified for whom is what about (or something like that)

well.  I was contemplating how bad i feel my attempts at doing serious work has been lately.  The other way around i've been doing heeps of unserious work.  Then i get to think, just because there are serious stuff i could do, which potentially gives lots of cred, power and maybe even some money, this doesn't mean it's for me to do those things.  I just want to be happy and have a splendid life filled with laughter, love, people, meetings, anything enjoyable, conscious and humanistic - stuff that develops society towards a friendlier one just by means of making interaction happen on basis of good stuff.  dancing, talking, being interested, laughing together, solving problems and getting it on ... lets not exclude anything.

So what it's about for me is maybe not being king of the intellectual comprehension of my segment in the world of workers, IT MIGHT BE to fill an other roll, somewhat downscaled when it comes to intellectual cred and such, but totally upscaled when it comes to making people have a good life!

As I was always told to have brains, i'm fairly surprised to figure this out, and the idea of not striving for the top notch ever possible seems strange, how can i not want to be the best?  But the impact of this tiny revolution is even more extensive,  it changes the market in which i'm going to make a living.  To a strange one, i'm not comfy there yet.

We'll see what it'll be about.  i'm definitively totally changing my mind every second.

something is definitively not right, one only rethinks life in situations when things could be easier...

well, life aint about music, thats definitively.   Or maybe it is?  Maybe the only way to stay happy is to work with music.  So, if you aint in that particular position you should conclude that you are not working hard enough.  alternatively, you are swallowing your sorrows with beers or other substansces that really doesnt work to your advantage (evil spiral of making your self incapable of working with music).  Or you're spending all your time doing the wrong jobs and you are totally captured in the world of money. 

Or maybe it's not about music.  Maybe it's only about you missing your lover.  Maybe you don't know how to unmiss your lover.   It might be as simple as that.

How can one possibly know what's it about?

Oh, it's crazy, the world, it really is.

It's even double-crazy, that's how crazy the world is!

to know what you want

I need to want some results!

Demanding something, and knowing what one demands, of one self makes an interesting framework for making the most of being.  Knowing what results one are after is the equivalent of being in control of one self, and then (ops i just remembered that not all results are as good as the next one, some results are perverted and unhealthy.) successfully being something one are proud of. (btw I believe the perverted results only are wanted by yourself if you are not able to really see where your capacities really lie.  But don't worry, don't worry at all, everybody's got some capacities to be proud of, to develop, to make good with, to have other people be proud of.  If you are not able to see your own capacities you should seek help to look for them, because they are there! oh so definitively.)

!dance dance dance!

don't forget to dance!
put on some lovely tunes and move!!!

***enjoy***

be the best you can

First i started with a long unnecessary speach,
then i realized it wasn't needed,


my message is this.


jealousy is mean stuff, 


AVOID JEALOUSY


DEAL WITH JEALOUSY


BE THE BEST YOU CAN.  BE THE BEST YOU CAN.


Acting upon ones jealousy is not being the best you can, be better!


I tried to add a sentence about how you can sometimes be allowed to be angry/whatever act out something you feel like.  BUT I COULDN'T, ITS NOT POSSIBLE TO MAKE SUCH A SENTENCE AND STILL KEEP FOCUS ON BEING BETTER THAN JEALOUSY!  always be the best you can, any less is inconvenient for everyone.

Explanation of the past post. apologies to anyone who read or considered reading that kind of rambelling

THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN BLOGGING WITHOUT THINKING, SUBJECTS ARE ABSOLUTELY OUT OF ORDER, TO LARGE FOR THIS FORMAT, CONTENTING NOTHING, AND I'M TO IMPATIENT TO EXPLAIN EVERYTHING PROPERLY as well as THE NEED FOR personal EXPOSURE TIES DOWN EVERY RATIONAL THOUGHT OR INTENT TOWARDS ANALYSIS AND RuBS THEM FIRMLY TO THE GROUND SO THEY CANNOT BE HEARD THROUGH THE RAW  MOIST SOIL WITH AUDIO-DAMPENING QUALITIES - YES BECAUSE THOUGHTS REALLY DO SCREAM IF YOU TRY TO TIE THEM DOWM.  

First class rambeling

Weather a day was good or just another one of those mediocre ones is never a hidden fact, we think. We think this information is immediate.  you can not avoid knowing what your day is like. Still, it's dawning upon me that this day was yet another good one!  What happened? I started out having bad feelings about this day, based on my level of tiredness in combination with the amount of things that are due done last week.  How come i couldn't really realize this until now, hours later than "this day" (possibly already tomorrow...), is this feeling of having had a really good day the truth, or is it some random effect shining onto me based on the fact that i'm in a really good mood now?  or am i?  how can one be in a really good mood with only worries regarding life?  or is blogging fulfilling?  or maybe work is rewarding to greater extents than ever believed?  or or or or perhaps its the sugar.  or (this feels bad writing) it's the reminder of that my life is at least better than your's, scrolling over some of my more periphery fb-friends, thinking that really, it aint that bad at all.  As long as the knowing that it could have been worse is underlined and truth-prooved by empirical study subjects.... Maybe this is the reason for my well being.  Thinking of this I don't feel that good anymore.  So was my day really that good?

facts about l-d

what really happens is unrevealed until some later epiphany occurs.   this is normal and it's one of the most annoying sides of experiencing a total latencydelay.

BTW, There is always latency.  you can regulate the delay by regulating your own momentary awareness. however how to do this is highly individual and therefor I can't - unfortunately not - give the proper instructions.  Everyone for himself kind of principle.  GOOD LUCK!

non adequate latency delay

This is the english response blog to the snær ting man kan tenke på.  the only real correlation is the inconsistency in the text substance and the from time to time huge discrepancy between whats written and what the author means.  THE TEXT IS MASTER NOT THE AUTHOR.  The latency delay is a result of this exact process, the author not being in charge and so forth not properly comprehending his own words until after - or perhaps, in some rare occasions - never.

Thats not really the only correlation, there is also a visual basic idea - or not so much an idea as a necessity THE USE OF CAPITAL and these kinds of letters to underlay the temper of the author.

... and we have successfully surpassed the first example of the latencydelay!  welcome!