still to decide. bE kiNd!

I'm one of those people who absolutely lack determination.  I don't really know what i think is the best music, or what is the most interesting book.  Like this i end up trying everything.  What happens when you try to do things in a manner like you don't really know how you are trying and what, is that you end up with all sorts of stuff that couldn't be predicted.  Most of it is also some kind of crap, but i am surprised how often i get surprised that the stuff i randomly produce or experience is surprisingly well functioning and sometimes even interesting or fascinating.

However, those who aim for nothing probably ends up with nothing (it's a downhill experience - totally easy)

So what about the future?  can I expect some honor?  being an honorable person as i grow older and out of life?
At least i will be able to tell myself i certainly was able to keep the possibilities open in the early 2000s- even though the result was frequently in between d'al niente al niente somewhere.

Being noticed is not really that important.  Not being stressed out is.

My god i'm such a child of post-modernism,
- i'm childish
- i cherish relativity
- i move around on the surface
- i lack abilities to concentrate and work in depth with interesting issues.
- i lack ability to take my own identity seriously.
- i have plural i's (really i'm more like a cave person not noticing myself - only how the group is functioning - or like that i hope and aspire to be)

I draw from this a need to be kind.  No way in eternity will my work have any importance in year 2100. So My dedication is for the living now, and hence i'll try and be nice and make good times on earth.


Well.