I drink my apple juice with vivid intensity as if it were whisky

I'm having issues with my artistic processes.  I seem to be in the middle of a project but still not sure of what are my intentions.  And then HoW Can I gO on PREtending To maKE sometHing of ReleVANce to the rest.

Should i fuck the rest also when i don't know myself whats going on?  I mean, it's obviously all right to ignore any critics or other interventions from outside as far as i'm having a strong feeling that the stuff i do needs to be done, and that i believe in it's value and possibilities.  But when this is lacking, really we are back at technical exercises.  And Truthfully some of the technical exercises that i've done (and other artists can usually confirm this) have resulted in fairly valuable artistic entities, BUT NOT BY FAR ALL OF THEM, and EVEN, It's a major difference between by chance making art through doing technical exercises, and doing technical exercises to make art.  IT DOES NOT SEEM RIGHT TO ME TO SPEND A LOT OF TIME DOING SOMETHING IF THERE ARE NO GOOD INTENTIONS BEHIND.

Obviously i'm far to pretentious and ambitious.  Being this will probably end my artistic workings. Which is sad for me but might be good for the rest of the world, there are already way to much crap out there made by people doing this to be seen.  I don't make art to be seen, If i want to be seen and recognized i talk to people, persuade them that i'm right about something, entertain them with my share presence so i can own their laughter and their minds (i'm insane, i know, but in fact it's just honesty, i believe we all do this in some degree.  I hope I'm wrong about that...) So why do i make art?  To avoid doing boring day jobs is THE most accurate answer.  Also i've got stuff i believe in that i want to realize so it can be shared with other people, so everybody can have something in common that makes them believe that life is a lot of things but also beautiful and insane in a good way, and not understandable but comprehensible still.  IM SO SCRUED; THIS IS CRAP; TALK IS NOTHING; ACTION SPEAKS; I DON'T SEEM TO DO ANYTHING; IM STILL SCRUED.  


what should i do, how can i save myself from this agony and absolutely possibly embarrassing situation, i can't stand embarrassment!


I'll tell u one thing;  i won't be drinking.  THAT I DON'T BELIEVE IN AND I WANT EVERYONE TO STOP DOING DRUGS*  now. please. 


peace.